DIARIO - 5. Notes from the book. The family's role
[Algunas páginas en mis diarios con notas sobre el libro están en inglés. De momento, las transcribo tal como están, mientras voy traduciéndolas para publicarlas aquí, en el blog, en castellano]
1. Abuse does not occur as an isolated event; it is an integral part of the family and social system in which it takes place.
2. It is within the family that physical and emotional violence most often takes place.
3. The family structure must include how it will deal with power, autonomy, communication, paterns, self-esteem issues, emotional rules for operating, change, and risk-taking within the family.
4. Parents -the family architects- do not automatically repeat patterns from the past, but they design their family structure in relationship to their experience of their family of origin and its definitions. Some individuals may select marital partners who fit some of the same patterns of the family of origin.
5. Functioning families:
a) Accept change and stress as part of life.
b) Have an overt or covert rule that violence is not permitted.
c) Have the working parts working for rather than against the family.
6. Theories:
- The more resources people have, the less likely they will be to employ violence as a means to an end.
- Gratification reduces aggression.
7. A child may believe, for example, that it is important to protect the parent by not reporting sexual abuse.
8. Children who have experienced abuse or neglect within their primary group often develop particular styles of interactional relationships within the family that they generalize to other groups.
Four of the interactional patterns that children often develop within the context of an abusive or neglected family are:
- caretaking
- hiding
- becoming the scapegoat
- provoking
9. The caretaker avoids abuse or neglect by excessive caretaking of adults. Has learned to be extra sensitive and alert to the needs of others and works hard to take care of others' needs to the exclusion of the child's normal emotional growth and development.
10. The hider has learned that it is sometimes important to physically as well as emotionally hide as a way of avoiding assault from adults. Has learned that it is often better to leave or hide when trouble seems to be in the air. Hiding provides emotional as well as physical safety.
11. Provokers may unconsciously believe that the only way that they can find a place in the family is to be a troublemaker.
12. It is also important to understand and look carefully at the role that the injured member plays in the maintenance of the family system.
13. Self esteem can only be sought after and accomplished when sustenance, security and socialization are satisfied.
14. The maladapted child in ways creates its own environment and may contribute to its own developmental anomalies.
15. When adolescents are experiencing abuse or neglect, their reactions may be:
- Future abusive behavior as parents.
- Sexual promiscuity and maladjustment.
- Difficulties in peer relationships.
- Great difficulty with the formation of identity, and with attainment of the balance between interdependence and dependence.
- Confusion about feelings, beliefs, and behavior.
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