DIARIO - 7. Impact of abuse and neglect

 Philadelphia, September 26th, 2007

• The issue of self-esteem becomes a major one.
• Predilection for withdrawal.
• The invulnerable child (around 21%) has been able to form a healthy, hopeful view of the world that the child has been able to sustain. The child has found someone or something outside the home who becomes the "parent" that the child needs. He acquires the necessary skills for mastering his environment or at least appearing to live "outside of it".
• The child continually asks in words or actions what will happen next.
• "I am not going home" is often said.
• They are out of touch, out of control, and have learned to mute their own senses.
• Have not learned to get their own needs met and are often taught to be responsible for the actions of others.
• Often have trouble containing their feelings. They act on their feelings instead of putting limits on their actions and separating actions from feelings.
• The closeness between the parent and the child may make it very difficult for the child to grow up and become an individual. The parent may turn to the child for the emotional nurturing that is missing in the marriage. When the child cannot or does not provide this emotional nurturing, the parent may physically abuse the child.
• Withdrawal from the peer group.
• Extended stay in public places.
• Extreme affect (excessive sadness or inappropiate happiness).
• Undue anxiety.
• Withdrawn, depressed, apathetic.
• Very concerned about conforming to the instructions of the adult in authority.
• Lack of verbal or physical communication.
• Inordinate attention to details.
• Deprived of self-esteem, carried into adulthood.
• Children who are emotionally needy may grow to adulthood with the same emotional neediness.
• Role reversal is one distinguishing feature of emotional abuse and neglect. The child takes on the emotional role of the adult and "gives" to the adult instead of receiving what the child needs emotionally.
• Adults who have been extremely critized as children may continue to be overly sensitive to criticism as adults. These adults are very concerned about performing well. They avoid disapproval from others and seek constant reassurances. Have grown up unable to meet their basic needs, live in a daily crisis of insecurity. They may repeat the patterns with their own children.
• It is difficult for an adult entering parenthood with basic feelings of insecurity to provide adequately for the emotional needs of a child, much less of a spouse. Emotional abuse and neglect ofthen appear in generational cycles.